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Post by Jackson Samuels on Oct 15, 2011 11:31:18 GMT -5
Jackson looked at the flower that was in Rocky's hand, he had picked it out of the ground but he had made sure the roots stayed in tact so Jackson could plant it. Jackson took the flower from Rocky's hand and laid it beside him on the ground.
"Rocky, it's beautiful. I will put it in a pot later, I think I saw some in the arts and craft room" said Jackson, remembering when he went in there and people where painting the pots, it seemed like something fun to get certain people's mind off the hard stuff that people had to do at camp.
Something else happened in the moment when Rocky handed Jackson the flower, Jackson's heart seemed to open and crave Rocky. Jackson knew right there that he was going to a place of no return, that whatever happened now, there was no turning back. Jackson knew he was falling for Rocky, he knew that Rocky wouldn't feel the same way that Jackson's heart would be broken and he would feel more alone than he actually did. He couldn't help what his heart wanted and it wanted Rocky; in fact it seemed to crave him. Jackson's brain was telling him to stop that this would end in heartbreak, most times a gay guy crushed on straight guy ended with the gay guy getting hurt. Jackson didn't care about that right now, he just wanted Rocky.
Jackson watched as Rocky turned his head away from him, did Jackson do something wrong? Could Rocky somehow read his mind and knew what he was thinking? Jackson looked at Rocky's face, he knew what was going on. Rocky was trying to hold back tears, he was trying to not show weakness by crying. Jackson knew this all to well. Jackson put his hand on Rocky's leg, he wasn't sure how Rocky would react but he didn't care. Rocky needed comforting right now, Jackson wanted to, had to, and needed to be the one to do it. Rocky, whether he knew it or not, was a part of Jackson's life now.
"Rocky, what is the matter? I didn't mean to make you cry. I am here for you, please tell me what's wrong" said Jackson and before he knew what he was doing, he put his arms around Rocky's waist to hug him, to hold him close. He wasn't sure how Rocky would react but right now he didn't care.
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Post by Rocky White on Oct 15, 2011 12:56:44 GMT -5
Rocky was trying and failing to hide his tears from Jackson. He was also trying and failing at holding back the tears. Jackson's hand went to Rocky's leg, and initially he pulled away from the contact. When Jackson slid his arms around Rocky, he fought for a moment and then just gave in. What was the point of hiding, of trying to get away, when clearly Jackson was seeing through everything anyways?
The next thing Rocky knew his mask had shattered completely. He'd turned and buried his face in Jackson's shoulder as the tears had come. He shook with sobs as he cried the tears he'd held back for two years, because he never had cried after getting to camp. He'd found out about the deaths of Uncle Alex and Johnny, about how long he'd spent in the Lotus Hotel, and he'd acted like he was completely not phased while inside he'd fallen apart a little at realizing he'd lost everyone. Jackson was the only one who'd worked their way through the act that Rocky put on. He was the first person to see how Rocky really felt.
It took a moment for Rocky to calm down enough to talk. He couldn't bring himself to look at Jackson's face, feeling like he was making a fool of himself and feeling kind of emasculated by his own actions. He took a few breaths before he started talking, his voice still shaky.
"You ever heard of a place called the Lotus Hotel?" He paused, but went on without actually waiting for Jackson to confirm or deny it. "That place is bad. It's a trap for chaps like us, demi-gods and the like." He'd never told anyone this story, so the only ones who really knew it were Mr. D, Chiron, the satyr who had brought Rocky to camp, and of course the gods. "Never knew I was a demi-god. Dad never told my uncle. I think he was ashamed, or mad at Mom." He never really knew what the truth was. "When monsters attacked, I ran away to protect my uncle and brother. Ended up in the Lotus Hotel."
And now Jackson pretty much knew everything. "Mom left me there, for years. Didn't give a damn about me being stuck. When I got out... they died while I was in there, my uncle and brother." The only family he'd ever known, and they were gone. He had nothing left. Not like the other campers. "No one here really cares. Never felt they did anyways." And so he'd been alone for the last two years. Alone until Jackson hadn't been pushed away by Rocky's bad attitude. Now... he wasn't sure. Jackson had stayed. He didn't get why he was different, but he was. Somehow he was different from the rest.
Word Count: 491 Tag: Jackson Muse Music: Heartbreak Hotel
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Post by Jackson Samuels on Oct 15, 2011 13:23:18 GMT -5
Jackson was completely shocked when Rocky's buried his head on his shoulder, Rocky was opening up and breaking down at the same time. Jackson felt sad for Rocky, no one had ever cried on his shoulder before, no one had ever opened up to him the way Rocky was right now. Tears fell from Jackson's own eyes and he rubbed Rocky's back and let him cry. He knew that Rocky needed this, crying was good for the soul and Jackson felt that Rocky needed this break down. Jackson continued to just hold Rocky and rub his back gently, occasionally he would play with Rocky's hair, comforting him, making Jackson fall more for this boy then ever before.
Jackson listened when Rocky told him what happened to him, Jackson knew some what about the Lotus hotel, he knew once you got in, it was hard getting out. That time moved differently there, how old was Rocky really and did Jackson even care? He looked his age, Jackson liked him, actually he more than liked the boy that was opening up to him right now. Jackson would wipe away the occasional tear and the story continued. Jackson couldn't imagine how Rocky felt, he lost his family, they were all dead now.
Jackson needed to be here for Rocky no matter what, in fact, he had made up his mind. He was going to stay with Rocky through anything that happened, thick or thin. He wasn't sure if that is something Rocky wanted but Jackson wanted it, in fact he needed it.
"I know it's not much, Rocky but someone here does care for you" said Jackson as he paused, he knew he had to say the next part that was coming out. He knew Rocky needed to hear it. "You have me, Rocky. I know I am only one person but I am here for you. If you will have me"
Jackson looked into Rocky's eyes, he knew Rocky could see how puffy and read his eyes were. He wasn't crying for pity for Rocky, part of him was, he did feel sorry Rocky had to go through that but the tears were for happiness that Rocky was ok. He knew he had just met Rocky, he knew that this probably seemed premature to other people but he didn't care. He put his hand on Rocky's, he wanted to lace his fingers with Rocky's but he wasn't sure how Rocky would react, but he tired anyway. He laced his finger with Rocky's, if he moved his hand away then Rocky didn't want to be with him.
"Please let me be here for you, Rocky" said Jackson as tears fell from his eyes.
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Post by Rocky White on Oct 15, 2011 14:36:50 GMT -5
Rocky couldn't understand at first why Jackson had started crying, and he still couldn't look at Jackson until the other boy spoke. Then he met Jackson's gaze as he told Rocky that someone cared for him, that Jackson cared for him. He couldn't understand it. It wasn't as if he was no longer capable of speaking English, it just confused him that Jackson would care. Rocky's problem hadn't been his, and still wasn't - or didn't have to be - if he didn't want to be involved in the mess that was Rocky's life. He couldn't understand why anyone would want to be a part of that mess.
He was busy looking into Jackson's eyes when he felt Jackson take his hand. He looked down at their hands, the fingers interlaced so that it took actual concentration to remember which hand was his and which was Jackson's. He stared at the hands for a moment before looking back up at Jackson's face as Jackson asked Rocky to let him be there for him. Tears were still coming down Jackson's face, though there were a still a few making their way down Rocky's face too.
He didn't know why, but he found himself wiping on of his dirty hands off on his jeans, as much as he could, and then reaching up to Jackson's face to wipe the tears away. It did leave a few small streaks of dirt on Jackson's cheeks, but... oh well. He bit his lip gently as he did this, seeming unsure about the action. He gave Jackson a small, slightly unsure smile. Rocky wasn't really sure what was happening here, or why it was happening. He trusted Jackson, though, which was admittedly strange for someone who had never let anyone get close to him before now.
He hadn't really voiced an answer to Jackson's question, but the fact that he hadn't left, his actions, in some ways said what his answer was. He tried to speak, and couldn't find his voice at the moment. So he nodded, and then he rested his head back on Jackson's shoulder, this time not hiding his face. Call it strange, call it a fast change, but after everything that had just happened it might have actually been understandable why Rocky felt safe there - huddled against Jackson, in his arms.
Word Count: 413 Tag: Jackson Muse Music: Love Will Find a Way
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Post by Jackson Samuels on Oct 15, 2011 14:56:41 GMT -5
Jackson's body was shaking as he watched Rocky wipe his hands off on his jeans, was he wiping away the touch of Jackson but then he did something that shocked him. Rocky's hand wiped away Jackson's tears, the way Rocky just touched him made his stomach quiver with anticipation. What was happening, was this all a dream and he was going to wake up any moment? Alone in his head like always, the sadness still there from being and feeling alone all these years. Jackson moved his own hand to his face after Rocky wiped the tears away, dirt was on his face from Rocky pulling up the flower but he didn't care, some how this made it more real, he knew this wasn't a dream.
Jackson wanted to and needed to be strong for Rocky right now, there was a sense of possession in Jackson now and no one was going to hurt Rocky again. Even if Demeter herself came to them right now and told Jackson to leave her son, he wouldn't move. He would rather get smited by a god, then see Rocky get hurt again.
As Jackson held Rocky, this seemed to be what Rocky wanted to be held and comforted and that was exactly what he was going to do; hold him until he didn't want to be held anymore. Jackson smiled as he held Rocky, this was perfect for him. He felt like this was a safe zone, more safe than the boundaries of the camp. Jackson ran his hand down Rocky's arm and laced his fingers with Rocky, Rocky didn't seem to mind the first time and he wanted to hold his hands tight. This way Rocky wouldn't think Jackson was going to leave him, which Jackson never would.
"Rocky, are you sure this is ok with you? Me holding you like this? Rocky, I am gay. Right now, I am thinking how much this feels perfect. Me holding you, it's beautiful and perfect. I don't want you to freak out or run away. I want you to stay with me. I know it's stupid" said Jackson, opening up more to Rocky. He meant it this was perfect, he couldn't believe that he was holding the most beautiful boy he had ever seen, the boy with a beautiful soul to match.
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Post by Rocky White on Oct 15, 2011 16:57:34 GMT -5
Rocky sat there for a moment, just content to be in that moment. After a little while Jackson spoke again, though, and Rocky had to consider the words he'd said. Was this okay with him? What was this to him? Was Jackson feeling something in this moment that Rocky wasn't? Well, that last question wasn't really one that Rocky could answer. But he had to answer Jackson's questions. He had to answer whether he was sure about this.
He sighed and closed his eyes, just trying to think. Not that he could necessarily ignore that his hand was intertwined with Jackson's and that he was still leaning against Jackson. That didn't feel wrong, though.... actually, it felt right. It felt safe. But was Jackson getting the wrong message? Was Rocky sending a message he wasn't even aware of? Was that message actually one he wanted to send, without really realizing it? And why did this moment have to become so complicated?
Well... the first question to address was how he felt about Jackson. Did he really know? Jackson knew for sure that he liked boys, but Rocky didn't know what he liked. He did know this, that he liked Jackson now. He wasn't sure if it was a romantic kind of like or what it was, but Jackson had... at the very least he had stuck it out, waiting for the mask Rocky wore to crack. He'd kept Rocky talking and kept trying to work his way in. He couldn't deny that had made an impression. he trusted Jackson, and he felt safe around him. Still that didn't say how he felt for sure about the other boy. Was it wrong for him to not know? Did not knowing mean he wasn't sure about this?
No. No, he decided. Not knowing for sure how what he felt didn't mean that this was wrong or that he felt unsure. If anything, this was the one thing he felt sure about. He felt safe with Jackson. That was something he knew for sure. Anything else... that would take some time. Was that ok? He opened his mouth, then closed it again. Finally he spoke. "Need to... go slowly. Dunno what I like. Never figured it out." He paused, thinking a moment about his next words. "I am sure 'bout this. This feels... safe. You make me feel safe."
Word Count: 410 Tag: Jackson Muse Music: Can't Help Falling in Love Notes: Rocky is falling in love. I just think he doesn't understand what he feels yet.
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Post by Jackson Samuels on Oct 15, 2011 17:17:43 GMT -5
"You make me feel safe". Those words touched something inside Jackson's mind, heart, and soul. That was exactly how Jackson felt right now holding the most beautiful boy he had ever seen in his arms, their fingers laced together. This was the most perfect moment in his life so far, this was beautiful and it felt almost magical to him in a way. Jackson listened as Rocky told him he wasn't sure what he was yet and he needed to figure it out. Jackson remembered when he didn't know what he was, in fact even thinking about being gay scared him. He knew that most people couldn't handle it, that some kids hurt themselves to ease the pain of being different but not Jackson. When he figured out for sure he was gay, he accepted it about himself, he knew it was a part of him and he would have to deal with it.
Jackson felt confused in that moment though, when Rocky leaned against him and let their hands continue to be one. He had felt Rocky knew that this is what he wanted but now he wasn't so sure. Jackson understood, of course, this was new to him. He was stuck in that awful place because Rocky's godly mother didn't take the time to find him and save him from that awful place. What if Apollo never claimed Jackson, he wouldn't be here right now. He wouldn't be holding Rocky close to the one place he never let anyone go; his heart.
"This feels safe to me too, Rocky. It feels, well, it feels right. Holding you like this, feels like it's something I am suppose to do. I know that probably sounds stupid but it's how I feel. I feel like I can share anything with you, my thoughts, feelings, and my heart. I know you don't know if this is what you want right now, Rocky. I will wait for you, I have never in my life felt like this. I am confused, my whole insides are shaking; yet I feel happy. I know I am only a Son of Apollo, I am not brave like the Ares kids or smart like Athena; but I will do anything to keep you safe even if Zeus himself tries to kill you" said Jackson as a single tear fell from his eyes. He meant everything he just said to Rocky, he knew that he did. He would wait on Rocky to figure all this out as long as Jackson could be there to help.
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Post by Rocky White on Oct 16, 2011 12:26:34 GMT -5
Rocky felt bad as he listened to Jackson's words. Maybe he wasn't brave or smart, but he had done something no one else had. He'd managed to get Rocky to open up. Rocky wasn't sure how or why Jackson had done this, but he couldn't change the impact that these actions had made on him. He didn't know what he felt for Jackson, mostly because he was still confused in general by Jackson's successful demolition of the mask that Rocky had used to keep others away. It was all kind of like an emotional overload. Rocky couldn't sort through everything he was feeling enough to know what it was he wanted from Jackson, but he knew he didn't want Jackson to go. Not now, and preferably not for a long time.
He didn't move, but he knew he had to say something. He had to make it clear to Jackson... Make what clear though? Rocky himself didn't know what it was he was feeling. It wasn't something he'd felt before. In the midst of everything else going on in this moment, all the things that had confused him, he'd just become more confused by this new emotion. What did he tell Jackson, though? How did he explain to him what it was that was going on, that he simply needed time to sort through everything that he was feeling.
He sighed, and - despite being unsure what he would say - he started to speak. "Jackson?..." He paused. "Just... I'm confused. I push others away, and they leave. You stayed. Couldn't understand why." He paused again, trying to figure out where he was going with this. "I... Never felt this way before, but I don't know what it is. Being confused ain't helping." Would Jackson understand what he was saying? Was he just making things worse? It was just... "Don't want to hurt you by saying something that ain't true."
That was really what it boiled down to, wasn't it? It would hurt Jackson if Rocky decided that this wasn't love, but wouldn't it hurt more if he said right now, when he wasn't sure what he felt, that it was love? If later down the road he discovered he'd been wrong about what he felt? Wouldn't it break Jackson's heart more to have lied in the midst of confusion? Wouldn't it be better to make him wait until Rocky was sure what he was saying was the truth? True this way wasn't exactly enjoyable. It was still better to have him holding on to hope than to give him a false promise.
Word Count: 460 Tag: Jackson Muse Music: You Don't Have To Say You Love Me Notes: Rocky's thoughts aren't nearly as eloquent as I write them, but it helps me reach the 400 word minimum with a very quiet character.
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Post by Jackson Samuels on Oct 16, 2011 13:30:20 GMT -5
Jackson listened to Rocky's words, he didn't say this this isn't what he wanted, so there was so hope. Jackson had to agree with Rocky, he didn't want Rocky to say that this is what he wanted and then change his mind. Jackson would be heartbroken, if it was even possible more than heartbroken. Jackson was so invested in Rocky right now and he knew that he wasn't going anywhere, Jackson was so happy with Rocky. Heck, they never even had to have sex just holding each other would be fine with Jackson. There was something about holding Rocky, to him, it was the most intimate thing that he had ever done in his life.
Jackson thought about his words carefully before he spoke, what could he say, he had to say something so Rocky wouldn't think he was mad or upset, he was a little upset that Rocky didn't say Hey let's be boyfriends but he understood why, Rocky didn't know what he was, he truly didn't have time to figure it out.
"Rocky, I didn't leave because started Jackson before pausing, should he tell Rocky, Jackson sighed and continued."because I like you. I know it sounds weird and all, but it was like I was led to the lake today. Like the Fates were whispering in my ear that the most beautiful and perfect guy was waiting for me there. They were right, I came here and here you were sitting here. At first, it was like you were wearing this mask, like I couldn't get close to you but I knew that I had to. I couldn't give up on you and I never will. I know that I will wait for you, I will wait until you figure out what you want . Even if it's not me, even if you want to date a daughter of Aphrodite, as much as I hate them, I was support you because that is what my heart feels right now.I will protect you no matter what, if you run from this camp I would go with you. Fighting whatever came our way. I have never felt this way about anyone before but I think, well, I think I love you"
Had Jackson really said that word?Love. It was a strong word, but did Jackson really feel it. This felt like love, what people said and told Jackson about love. Is this what his mom felt for Apollo. What about Apollo would he approve of his son dating a son of Demeter, or even a boy at that. Some part of Jackson didn't care, he was tired of making his father proud, this was for him. He held Rocky closer, at least right now he could do this. He could make Rocky feel safe in his arms, he never wanted Rocky to leave his arms, it was a safe place for them both.
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Post by Rocky White on Oct 16, 2011 16:35:47 GMT -5
Rocky had to think about that a little. Jackson was making this meeting up into something fated, or at least saying it had somehow felt fated. Rocky, meanwhile, was not a fan of the concept of prophecy and fate. The future was still not set in stone, wasn't it? They could influence it and change it, right? That, and he preferred feeling like he was in control of himself, over thinking that someone else had laid out his life before him. Maybe he should give the gods or the fates - whoever - a little more credit, because if they had planned out this scene then maybe they weren't entirely screwing his life up. That or maybe they were trying to make amends for the past. Still, he wasn't a big fan of the concept of destiny.
Of course, then Jackson had to throw in that word. Love. That wasn't a word you just threw around. Of course, it didn't feel like Jackson was just throwing the word around. Love. Jackson felt love for Rocky. Yet what did Rocky feel? He didn't know. He was still confused, and the profession of love... he'd never say it, but it hadn't helped as far as deciding was concerned. He wanted to be sure that if he did tell Jackson he felt the same, it wasn't because he felt bad about breaking the other boy's heart. In general it should have been a positive sign that Rocky wasn't completely revolted by the idea. It was just that he needed to sort the past few moments out in his head and make sure he knew what he was feeling. He needed to know he wasn't misnaming the emotion.
He didn't know what to say at first. He just... He just wanted to be like this for a little while. To be safe and happy. To not have to think about how he felt and about his confusion. To not think about the past or the future. He wanted to just exist in this moment. So he made probably the boldest move he had in that short time together. He took one of his hands and pressed his pointer finger to Jackson's lips. "Shhhhh." He kept his finger there as he said. "Give me some time. For now, this feels right. I want to just enjoy it." Then he pulled his finger away and put his arm around Jackson, hoping Jackson would just let them be in that moment, where Rocky knew he felt right and didn't need to think about anything else right then.
Word Count: 441
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