Emptiness... (OPEN)

[Sophia Greene]

The girl was curled up into a small ball on the large forest floor. She was in deep pain and all she could think about was how Hayden no longer was there. She hated Deimos now and wished him dead; now and forever. Hayden have saved her, and now she blamed herself for his missing-in- action. She never thought that hurting would hurt this much. She rather be poisoned and hurting in the leg, from manticore fight then this. This was so much worse. Her first thought after running away, was to beg for someone or something to hurt her; as she would never be able to deal with it herself.

It had been three days since her return from Los Vegas and she could not bring herself to do anything: not eat, not really sleep as afraid of the nightmares, not even to do archery; which was not her one little bit. She remember the words that haunted her mind: go back to camp and don’t think or look back… she shook her head as fresh tears began to fall on her pale face.

Even Harper had tried helping her out; but not even her little sister could brighten her day. Nothing seemed the same. This is why love never worked with anything; like everything in the demi-god world. If something was going down one way or another she knew what side she was on.

She began to shake now; scared, confused and several other feelings that she did not even know she had was taking her over. All feelings but jealously. She took a deep breath and tried to pull herself together. Yeah that was not helping. She was alone here, or so she thought, and cried into her arms, staying quiet.

Was this what love really was? Something she did not know if she could take again.

[Ryan Simons]

(NOTE: This is a TRIAL RUN as Ryan after the quest. He may be this way [give or take] from when he actually does return)

Ryan never wanted to step foot outside of Camp again. Ever. Any time he did, it ended badly. Both times, it had dealed with death that had been all his fault. Everything seemed so different. So very, very different. Not physically though, not externally. Camp life went on; Campers fought, took aim, fired, sword fought, went up the climbing wall... It all went around him in murky colors and a buzz. Someone could of probably just jumped him and he wouldn't of even cared, or even reacted. Ryan had barely made it out of the land mass without just emotionally collapsing. He had just tried to stay strong so he could get Avery home and safe again. Not that Camp was entirely safe anymore, but still. They had made it back, two of them. Not three, like there should of been. Mourning Aria wouldn't get them off that land mass, so they had pretty much kept it together there... sort of. Now that they were away from there, and back at Camp, had Ryan just caved. He was just... he, himself actually had no idea. He wasn't exactly sure what he was feeling; all that he knew was that it hurt... a lot. It was much worse than getting physically beat up.

Most of the time, he felt like he would collapse from the inside out. Why the heck did he have to come back from his quest alive? Hades, why did he even say yes and then have to drag Avery and Aria into it?! He had ruined both of his quest members lives. In all honesty, he wanted to just curl up and die. He'd do anything to get Aria back, but he was close to sure that nothing ever would. Everything he had heard and seen on that land mass was still stuck in his head. It always would be. He was pretty positive that it would haunt him for the rest of his existence. That, and killing Aria. Gods... why hadn't it been him? Aria was the youngest of them, Avery actually had family and friends who cared... and Ryan was just... Ryan. A stubborn and violent fifteen year old who outwardly hated everyone and disowned his family. Now that he actually knew that he had a living one on the mortal side, it just made things, if possible, much worse.

Out of all of this, he managed to cling to his one attribute that started it all. He clung to one very meager thread of stubbornness. Ryan hadn't gone to his Cabin and hadn't gone into regular eating times or to the appropriate table. As usual, as expected. Then again, why go to regular eating times at all if you weren't even eating? Ever since looking at the coconut, Ryan felt like he'd just throw everything up. He'd drink, (reluctantly, because that was probably the only thing keeping him alive) but that was pretty much it. Sleep for him was minimal; he'd still sneak into the Ares cabin in the dead of night and after curfew. Ryan didn't even want to sleep because he didn't want the nightmares that were bound to come. He knew they would. Him killing people, people out to kill him, Aria and the others haunting him ... Ryan wasn't even in the mood to fight, as in at all. He wasn't even sure if he ever wanted to pick up a sword or sharp object again.

Right now, he actually wanted to be back at Kath's house. At least she'd give him what he deserved. Without thinking about it, he found himself going into the forest. The forest had been and still was everything to him. It may of sounded crazy to other Campers, but Ryan actually felt connections to forests. He started to walk blindly, half of him hoping to get lost and attacked by some thing, but the chances of him getting lost in here was pretty slim since he had been in here so much. After a few moments of mindless (and noisy) walking, a figure came into his line of vision. Ryan didn't even bother taking out a weapon. All he had was his staff that he was holding limply in his bad arm. As he got closer, his mind snapped together that it was a human. His stomach rolled over. Not this again....

OOC: *head wall* Sorry I had to put that up there... me and my indecisive mind
Character Name: Ryan Simons
Mood: Depressed, Upset, Guilty
To: Sophia "Sophie" Greene-Daugher of Apollo
IC Word Count: 745

Legend:
"Ryan Speaking"
Ryan Thinking

[/size][/font]

[Sophia Greene]

((Its okay. HOnestly I don't know what time period this would be at. I going to have it be a few days before she has to leave with Harper on Harper's quest...))

When the sky falls then nothing to loose,
that’s when I know its over but the sky is still blue.
The rain may fall and birds may cry,
But I know that you will always be in my mind.

As the song grows such as the flower in the breeze,
You will always be near me.
The lake, running and adventures too,
Will never be the same without you.

As the sun sets, so does the mind.
As the mind sets, so does the heart.
As the heart sets, so does the will of good.
Who is to say good will win over all…

The Apollo girl just laid there, pale and cold not really caring. Never in the right mind would anyone think she would let something like this happen to her. Sitting up she sighed, and whipped the silent tears away. No. Harper’s quest was just a day or so away, and she was not going to let this ruin anything. She would put it in the back of her mind…well for now. But now what? If she ever got a quest of her own, who would go with her? Her top two choices were obviously going to be Hayden and Harper. But now how was that going to happen? Harper was going on her own, and surly she did not want her sister going on another, and Hayden…were ever he was… she sighed and ran a hand threw her tangled brown hair. She was getting tempted to cut it and maybe just become somebody new. After all, her life has just been to completed in life as it was.

The last part of the poem she had written in mind. Where it had come from, she didn’t know; and that bothered the girl. As the heart sets, so does the will of good.
Who is to say good will win over all…

Just then she looked up at hearing someone approach, and stood up quickly, yet stumbling -which was not like her- and attempted to brush her self off, but still looking terribly. When she saw who it was she looked away, not able to find a voice in her, and sat down on the log she had been by.

[Ryan Simons]

I'm here on the edge again
I wish I could let it go
I know that I'm only one step away
From turning around
Can you still see the heart of me?
...
Don't tear me down
For all O need
Make my heart a better place
Give me something I can believe
Don't tear it down
What's left of me
Make my heart a better place

~All I Need, Within Temptation[/size][/font][/right]

Ryan hesitated and took half a step back as the girl's head snapped up, looking startled; she had actually surprised him a little too, which was way off for him. The boy had lately been off his normal thinking and reaction track. His hand was delayed, but it closed tightly on the staff residing in his hand. Pain shot up his arm as he felt the cuts start to tear open. He wasn't exactly sure what or who he intruded on at the moment. The brunette girl stumbled getting up, Ryan's eyes flashed over her face, trying to match it to name.

He half went to grab her arm as it looked as if the girl was going to fall. The forest floor underneath her turned into water and a rail behind her materialized in his mind. His stomach twisted as he realized who he was looking at. Sophia Greene, more commonly known as Sophie. He had met her once while in the arena with her bother and was usually found practicing in the archery range. See? Ryan did, could, and would memorize people. In all reality, he had most the Camp down pat by name, parent, and in some cases, their habits and battle tactics if he ever got into a fight with them.

The blood drained out of his face as another thought about Sophie entered his mind. She was a daughter of Apollo, Aria's sister. Even though Aria had probably disowned her cabin just as he did to his own, it didn't mean that the cabin disowned her. From the looks of Sophie, she had cared about her little sister; the older girl looked like a wreck, no offense to her. To put a nail in Ryan's speculation, Sophie took a glance at him, some recognition flashing in her eyes, and then she looked away. Ryan's insides squirmed and he felt like he'd throw his guts up. He'd probably go through this ever time he saw a child of Apollo. Her reaction to him was probably because of what he'd done to her sister... All his fault... everything. The war, Aria, the boat, Avery's head, Deimos... everything. All of the sudden, his guilt level shot up.

His vision turned back, stars quickly bursting infront of his eyes. His quickly went into light headedness; Ryan swayed slightly and then stabilized. His eyes glanced over to Sophie to see if she had seen that. He couldn't really tell, but in the time that his spasm happened, she had sat down. He looked at her, rubbing his neck. Ryan was seriously trying not to throw up by this point. Finally, he couldn't take it. On a normal basis, he wouldn't of cared about silence. He would of just walked away. But this situation was far from normal. Any situation would be from the moment be came back, until his death. "Hi..." he said quietly, looking down and softly tapping the ground.

He wanted her to yell at him, punch him, shoot an arrow at him. He really didn't care... he just wouldn't be able to take her being quiet.

OOC: Sorry for the delay. Its harder to write as a depressed Ryan than I thought XD Especially since he's been mean for nearly a year... longest character to keep his mean streak
Character Name: Ryan Simons
Mood: Depressed, Guilty, Sad, Sick
To: Sophia "Sophie" Greene-Daughter of Apollo
IC Word Count: 535

Legend:
"Ryan Speaking"
Ryan Thinking

[/size][/font]

[Sophia Greene]

The thoughts that ran threw her head were so overwhelming to the Apollo girl that she did not even know what to think. She just wished she knew the right answers at the right time. She just wished now that she ignored Hayden’s orders of running, and stayed with him. Deimos. She would get him or at least try and get him back as long as she was alive. Would her father help her out at all or not. In the end it would not matter at all. She now knew what side she would be on whenever the time came. And she could feel it. Everyday. Closer and closer it came.

Seeing it was Ryan, the girl sighed a little. He looked as if he had gotten back from his quest just now. She wondered how it went. Where his quest had taken him. But that was always the high question, was is not? Who is to say that all quests ended the same way, or different way.
Ryan was not one person Sophie talked to on a day to day basis, even if they saw each other every day at meal times and so on. This was because Ryan was a son of Ares, even if he did not claim his father himself.
They had only spoke at least twice to each other in her two, soon to be three this summer, years here at camp. The first was when her brother Jason and her was going into the arena. That one did not last long. Much shorter then the second meeting at the Big House. It seemed the two never had a happy meeting more then about five minutes apart. Then again it was always like that with the other children of Ares and some of the children of Hermes too.

Playing with her hair some, she forced herself to pull herself together. One thing she hated was showing she was weak in front of others, especially with people like Ryan. Then again she did run away from Deimos, which surprised her on how she got away in the first place. She would not run or anything next time. No matter what happened. Her faded green eyes, closed for a moment or so and opened them, facing them. “H-hello Ryan…” she finally managed to say. “Glad to see you are back well…” She felt something had happened. Something bad. A death. She could see it in his eyes. She knew Aria. Even if they did not get along very well. And Sophie did not blame Aria. Aria knew something was to happen like this. Looking away again she added. “I don’t blame you Ryan… so don’t worry. It wasn’t your fault… and I am sure even she knew that.” Sophie had a feeling the worse, espically after she saw the other two returning to camp, one not being one of her younger sisters.

((Blah sorry about this, the best I could do.))

[Ryan Simons]

In Ryan's opinion, the quest was an absolute fail. He and Avery had fulfilled the prophecy, but the means by which they did so was a fail. It was him who had failed though, not Avery. Not her at all. Avery had been a fantastic quest partner; Ryan didn't know if he'd ever be able to make it up to her. She had saved his life more than once and in more than one way. They had been through so much together and she hadn't even tried to change him, which was something new. Now, the daughter of Hermes had Ryan as a friend for life. Yes, he actually did consider her as a friend. She was the first out of a long time. Ryan could have a whole different side to him if anyone decided to stick around (for quite a while) and figure it out. No one stuck around him, everyone just gave up on him and Ryan was just pretty much used to that by now. Either they'd give up on him or leave him.

Quests were just made to make demigod lives miserable, weren't they? It was just a one way trip to get someone killed. He looked at the girl infront of him. Ryan had seen Sophie just like he had seen every other Camper around camp. Then they had those two incidences where they sort of actually talked to eachother. The last time had been about Blake. Ryan's stomach twisted again. What if he had walked in a bit sooner? Could he have helped or could of gotten killed as well? They seemed to never meet on a happy occasion. Then again, Ryan was never happy; he was usually chewing someone out or starting a fight. This meeting would be no different; however, Ryan didn't think he'd be chewing anyone out for quite some time. Sophie also looked like she was out of sorts. Ryan's head began to buzz slightly, different emotions all bouncing around in his head. It was just like Alex and Edmund all over again. After that, Ryan couldn't even bring himself to fight or even fight back for a year and a few months. Blake had been different, he had felt sick for a hour or so, but had been able to snap himself back rather quickly.

Ryan wasn't really into showing people his weak, vulnerable side. He never really had; Kath had taught him never to show it, so that was what Ryan grew up learning. Never show you're weak, never show that anything is bothering you. You're fine, you're fine, you're fine... Ryan had succeeded in doing so for his three full years here, plus during his duration with Kath. The few people who had ever seen him slip up were Nike, Aria and Avery. He began to fail when he and Avery got back to Camp. Ryan was still stubbornly trying his best to snap himself back together again, to be his old self and pretend that nothing happened. Pretend that nothing had affected him, like always. It wasn't really working though; he thought he could get himself back, but right now, he just couldn't. He had tried and semi-suceeded while on the land mass, but his strength just got zapped. Glad he was back well? He certainly wasn't glad he was both back and well. Ryan wasn't really that well in all reality, but it wasn't like he'd ever tell anyone that or even admit it to himself. And then came the second thing that he couldn't bear hearing. It was his fault, the end. Ryan had been two inches, give or take, from Aria. And what had he done? Close to nothing. He couldn't save anyone for his life. All he was good at was destruction and killing.

Sophie should blame him. This whole entire mess was his fault. His quest, his fault. "It was my fault though," he said in a quiet voice rubbing his neck. A few weeks ago, one would not associate the word quiet with Ryan. Not by a long shot, if ever. Ryan had always been the loud, rebellious, let start a fight type. It was crazy how a few minutes could change a life. He just shook his head as Sophie continued. As weird as it sounded, Ryan didn't have the strength to fight anything, be it verbal or physical. He may stay stubborn for a little bit, but that was it. Ryan knew what he had done and what he hadn't done; no one would ever change his mind about it.

OOC: Once again... sorry about the wait
Character Name: Ryan Simons
Mood: Upset, Guilty, Depressed
To: Sophia "Sophie" Greene-Daughter of Apollo
IC Word Count: 790

Legend:
"Ryan Speaking"
Ryan Thinking

[/size][/font]

[Sophia Greene]

Sophie was glad that he did not seem as if he was going to kill her. It was not like him at all but she liked him, or really anyone, this way. And plus at least she was not alone now, who ever the company was. It had been a long while since the two had conversed; it had to have been at least half a year or so. This only reminded the Apollo girl that, at least she thought, it now had been three years since she had come to camp. It felt a very short time, and yet so long. She remembered her first time she had tracked to camp alone. Not only that but that day alone. She thanked her father for helping her through that, even if he was not around visibly.

There had been so much going through her life she did not know what to think. As birds flew over head she looked up a moment, a clear happy blue patch coming through the branches, that was not there before. She missed being happy, but was not sure how to get back to it. Was it okay? No. How could it when it hurt to smile? Sighing silently, she now just wished she had something other then life to take her mind off of life. If that even makes since.

“No… it was the gods…. Or the fates…I haven’t decided yet. Either way they both have kind of screwed up every demi-gods life some way or another…” If not for Gods she would be going to college in the fall, meeting a nice guy and possibly be starting in a family in the future. Now what? Everything was screwed up now. Or was it? The daughter of Apollo looked down at her worn converse, right where her bow was. Picking up an arrow from her father she ran her fingers over it. The real question was would she be able to? What about all the trouble she could get in? Why couldn’t her life be normal?

She was not going to admit anything but the girl was in denial...about everything. And the only reason for it was because she was not going to break down infront of Ryan. Something she really wanted to do but wouldn't.

[Ryan Simons]

I hear their silence
Preaching my blame.
Will our strength remain
If their power reigns?
See who I am,
Break through the surface.

~See Who I Am, Within Temptation[/size][/font][/right]

Ryan wasn’t really chewing out anyone right now, which sort of posed a red flag. He wasn’t sure how Camp was going to react to that, but he frankly didn’t care. They’d probably be glad that he was mellow and almost docile. It’d be a while, if ever, until he’d get his “I am going to kill you at first glance” personality back. Until then, he didn’t see himself snapping at anyone any time soon. Weird? Yes; it was even a tad surprising for him. Then again, his brain was fried, he was mentally, emotionally and physically hurting, not to mention extremely tired.

He looked up at the trees of the forest that he knew so well. Then he remembered his old forest home. It probably would always be their forest. Them as kids though... not at all now. “Sure...or them,” he mumbled, still unbelievingly. He’d still think it was his fault, right to his shine or grave site, or to wherever they were going to bury him. Even after that, he’d probably still be beating himself up during his whole existence in Hades. His mind wondered back to what the girl had said. He nodded in agreement. “Yeah...they have.” The fates and the gods...he hated both groups. Then again, Nike wasn’t that bad.

As he looked at Sophie, it was apparent that she wasn’t doing that well. Either it be from something else, from Aria’s death, or from a combination of different things, Ryan felt guilty about it. It had taken an accumulation of many things to finally make Ryan snap internally. If it was the same case with Sophie, and if hearing about Aria had made her snap, then Ryan would feel responsible for it; he already did to a certain, rather large extent.

He walked forward a bit. Careful to keep a respectable distance, he sat down on the forest floor infront of her. “S-so...how are you?” he asked quietly, looking at her again, a slight analytical look entering his now dull eyes. Okay, that was a stupid question; she was obviously not alright. “You okay?” Yet another dumb question, sheesh, Ryan was horrible at being social and even worse at comfort. If she lied for one reason or another, Ryan would know. He lied about his state all the time, so on that level, he could kinda sorta understand.

OOC: Not as long as a wait! You're getting the shortened version of my original response. Sorry! The internet closed out on me before I posted it and I got angry... it has the same idea, just shorter.
Character Name: Ryan Simons
Mood: Depressed, Upset, Guilty
To: Sophia "Sophie" Greene-Daugher of Apollo
IC Word Count: 410

Legend:
"Ryan Speaking"
Ryan Thinking

[/size][/font]

[Sophia Greene]

She fought the terrible pain she was feeling inside; fighting the tears that wanted to fall once more. And she thought she could not cry anymore then what she did. Her hands fit into her lap folded together that maybe a look of praying, or twirling her thumbs, either one they looked a bit the same. She looked down at them, the braid of her dark brown yet faded hair fell lightly off her shoulder. Her eyes where shut trying to think of a happy place. Her archery bow and arrows down at her feet where she left them. If she could think of anything but pain from her mind she would dream it!

As her eyes where shut it was still dark. No happy memories or dreams came to mind. The only thing she heard was of Ryan’s voice but soon even that disappeared. A evil laugh of a monster in the mist echoed through her head sending a chill down her spine. Run…run… she felt his mocking breath down her neck. Was she really going crazy? Was he really there? She could not take it any more and broke. The tears flowing over the falls had cracked the dam; as they fell from her eyes.

The Apollo girl covered her eyes, embarrassed and ashamed of herself. This was Ryan, a son of Ares, and he was never going to let her live it down. She wanted to run away and never show her face to him or anyone again. Who was she but a fool. How was she suppose to go with Harper on her (Harper’s) Quest when she was broken? Full of emptiness?

Getting up to turn away from the shame she just exposed in front of him, she stepped --forgetting her bow was there-- and tripping over her bow falling to her knees, ripping her jeans at the knee on the spot. This did not help her at all. In all the while as he spoke she could not find herself to speak and sat there feeling pale and helpless.

((All good. Honestly this was the best I could at the moment. Lol. Hope its okay. Sorry I don't have her talking or anything. You can see by the dialog that shes a bit emotional at the moment and doesn't really talk when she is.))

[Ryan Simons]

Ryan gazed at the daughter of Apollo. Right, Aria's sister, his mind reminded him unnecessarily and his stomach flipped. This was just going to go along so smoothly, wasn't it? All sarcasm intended, a small fighting part of his mind nudged him; it was the part that still held a millimeter of hope, and his stubborn side. The boy had thought about just giving up. Forget hope, forget love, as if he had them to begin with. He may of had them at some point, but it just wasn't there anymore. Hope? Maybe slightly; Love, well that had existed for two years and then shattered in his face. He didn't even know if he knew what either was anymore.

Half of him was just hoping that a random monster would come out and do whatever thing they did to demigods. If anyone deserved it, Ryan did. In all reality, the only reason he hadn't gone off the deep end at the land mass was because he had Avery. They had needed eachother alive with the knowledge that the other was going to keep fighting, probably for the same reasons. Ryan probably wouldn't even fight back if he was attacked right now. He'd just hope that his ADHD and adrenaline would kick in. It had worked for a year or so before, so it should now. Even though he was away from the quest, Ryan still owed Avery big time and he wasn't going to leave anytime soon, hopefully.

If the boy had been in his normal state, he probably wouldn't even still be here. More however, when Sophie started to cry, he would of just rolled his eyes, chewed her out and walked away, the end. Ryan hadn't ever been the type to rub it in their faces and making them "never live it down". He was far from being his normal self though, much to his like or dislike, he didn't know. "Apparently not," he grumbled softly, rubbing his neck, his feeling of guilt growing. Just as Ryan wasn't the type to calm down, Ryan wasn't that much of a comforting person. He had no idea how to be comforted, how to recognize comfort, or how to be comforting, mostly because he had never experienced it. When he was with Kath, there had been no comfort. It hadn't even been a home, it had been like a training camp. In some ways it was even worse than Camp Half Blood.

He wasn't really sure what to do, but Sophie looked like she was about to run for it or something else. Even though her eyes were covered, he could semi-guess what she was thinking. When he was by himself, he had to look like that at one point or another: in a fetal position, feeling as if this whole life was pointless, not knowing what to do with himself; his thoughts wild, hopeless, scared, not knowing what to do... Ryan wouldn't even try to stop her if that's what she really wanted. He really felt like running for it too; the only person stopping him in his consciousness, was Avery. She had never turned her back on him, so he'd stay around and have her back as well.

As she got up and stumbled again, the scene once again flashed to Ryan lashing out and Aria slipping under the rail. Only this time, Sophie actually did fall. It didn't make Ryan feel any better, in fact, it only made him feel worse. Gods, he couldn't help anyone, save anyone, all he was good at was making people's lives miserable. He sighed slightly and moved closer to Sophie. He took the bow and carefully placed it to the side of them. Ryan took his staff and also placed it to the side. "You hurt yourself?" he asked, giving her a quick scan. She didn't need to answer if she didn't want too. He noticed that her jeans teared; in almost the same spot as Edmund's had. That didn't do anything to console him. He reached out and put his scarred hand on her shoulder.

"I'm really sorry about Aria," he said quietly and sincerely, the guilt prickling inside of him escalating. Ryan seriously was, but sorry wasn't going to do anything; it never would. It couldn't turn back time, or ease the pain or anything. It happened, it was his fault, and he was going to live with it for the rest of his life. "But it's something else, isn't it?" At least for him, it took a lot more than Aria going overboard for him to just snap and become a total wreck. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, but... I'll be here if you ever do," he said for the second time in his life. Gods, that sounded an awful like... - he cut his thoughts short.

Character Name: Ryan Simons
Mood: Upset, Guilty
To: Sophia "Sophie" Greene-Daughter of Apollo
IC Word Count: 848

Legend:
"Ryan Speaking"
Ryan Thinking

[/size][/font]

[Sophia Greene]

Sophia felt her skin crawl as she remembered that day. What had even taken them there she did not know, but whatever it was she blamed herself for listening to that significant song in the back of her ADHD mind. What does not destroy me, makes me stronger.[/color] The words echoed through her mind as the nightmares returned to her memories.

Hayden… anyway you can get money back on the rooms. I’m sorry… but I think we should leave…. She remembered being scared that something was bad to happen as she remembered the voice of Hecate in the back of her mind. As the goddess of witchcraft’s voice had faded another had come. Deimos, brother to the goddess of fear. Hayden had been so kind and brave… So I'm feeling as though I need to... vent. I'm sure you understand…So really, that's all I want. I need to vent. And you two were just so lucky as to come across me on a bad day. From that conversation she let stop dead in her mind as she did not want to remember the rest. It was nothing but torture to her now. From what she remembered as Deimos had come after her for some reason, Hayden intercepted then that was it. Run Soph! And don’t look back…[/color] Thanks to her father and the other gods somehow she got away and back to camp.

It had been a week ago since her return and now here she was. Crying her eyes out. In front of Ryan. The last person she wanted to break down in front of. “I’ll… be fine… eventually,” she managed to say not looking up at him. “Its…was…Hayden… he tried to…” she shook her head. “Deimos he…” she could not even finish what she was going to say.

((sorry this was so short :[ ))

[Ryan Simons]

"Upset? I'm not upset. You have no idea much pain I'm in. It's like being cut open every day, bleeding onto the stones. I can't understand how any of you failed to see the blood...."

~Ashfur, Warriors: Long Shadows by Erin Hunter[/size][/font]
NOTES[/right]

Ryan exhaled slightly and turned his gaze skywards once again. Half of him was in denial of everything that had happened, mostly to keep his body from major shock; however, at the same time he knew it all to be true. All of it was, and it was entirely his fault. The boat, Aria, the war, his whole failure of a quest. He really wanted to ask why they had chosen him. He was nothing special, he far from a hero- quite the opposite in reality; he was far from a success, and farer from being even liked in the slightest. If I could... then I would turn this thing around, he groaned internally. For one, he'd go way back to when he was four and have one of the daggers actually go through him. They had all just repeated what he knew to be true all along. He was a failure and a murderer, a monster in human form. No one wanted him and everyone hated him. He didn't really care, but it sorta stung a tad bit deep deep deep deep (get the idea) down that even his own parents just wanted to get rid of him.

By now, Ryan was just used to the idea that he was by himself in everything. He had learned not to trust and he had learned not to love; not to care about anyone, not even himself. In Kath's world, trust and love where no where on her list of teaching. Ryan certainly didn't develop any with her, that was for sure. He couldn't help but wondering though, if he had loved and trusted when he had been with Lila. If he ha been initially happy, but just couldn't remember it. Perhaps that was better. It was always better when you didn't know what you were missing on. He remembered from his dream. Reaching out to take Kath's hand... wanting a good relationship with whoever this new woman was; she had just rolled her eyes and turned her back on him. It had been that way ever since. He hadn't understood then that his mother wasn't coming back, that he was going to spend the next nine years accumulating scars of every kind.

If Sophie had cried infront of him any other time in the past, Ryan would of scoffed, rolled his eyes and would of probably of chewed her out on the spot. Even though he could be heartless in that sense, Ryan wasn't exactly the one to keep it against people, keep reminding them and use it as blackmail or whatever. He remembered when Nike had started to cry, he hadn't even cared. "Yeah... that's what we all say," he grumbled. If he had someone pay him for every time he said 'I'm fine' or some variation of it, he'd be set for life. Of course, every single one of those times he was lying. Hayden...? Oh, that boy who was all welcomy, he had been in Camp ever since Ryan had arrived. See? Ryan knew the Campers by name and face, he just decided not to let people know that.

"Oh..." he said. Ryan wasn't the comforting, gentle type at all. Mostly because he didn't know how to be, he had never been shown it, so he had no idea what to do. "Has he gone MIA or something?" he asked. Then he heard Deimos and gave an involuntary and almost invisible shutter. "Gods that midget is wrecking havoc on everyone these days," he muttered, half shutting his eyes. Welcome Boy MIA? If he thought about it, Ryan sort of knew the answer. If she was going to say that Hayden tried to fight with the god, then that put him in a rather bad place. It sort of seemed Sophie knew that place if she was in this state.

OOC: MEH! I'm SO sorry about that wait!
Character Name: Ryan Simons-Son of Ares No One
Mood: Upset, Guilty, Depressed
To: Sophia "Sophie" Greene-Daughter of Apollo
IC Word Count: 659

Legend:
"Ryan Speaking"
Ryan Thinking

[/size][/font]

[Sophia Greene]

A nightmare danced in her head through her mind. She was falling -and not the normal kind of falling where you just fall off your bike when learning to ride. The falls were nothing like she had ever seen and she wished she was there for some other reason other then the fact of a quest that her favorite little sister had received. Laugher of a mocking voice echoed in her mind and before anything else was sad and done, she was pushed -by who she did not know. Grabbing the end of rock she saw the red eyes of one she did not want to see a second time in a week or even a month. Then she fell. It was the same dream that seemed to dance through her nightmares and dreams ever since Harper had asked her to go with her on her quest.

Harper. She had to get passed everything for Harper. And besides Hayden would not want her crying over him. She knew him. She knew it would be hard as it had only been about a week but still. She prayed to the gods that she would forget that time. Forget everything that had to do with him, or at least forget enough that she would not hurt anymore. She shook her head and took deep silent breaths, whipping the tears from her eyes, finally the last of one to many.

Getting the courage she had been lacking since she returned, she looked up at him with her faded green/brown eyes. “I’m sorry…usually and you should know by now that I am not like this…its just hard…I think the last time I have ever felt this way was when my mother died…” the daughter of Apollo looked down at herself as she sat there, bring her knees up to her chest. Now thinking about herself she felt even more terrible as this was not how a cabin counselor was suppose to act. She was suppose to up hold herself and put all these feelings aside at least that is what she thought she was suppose to do.

“He…was in a bad mood, obviously…what person or god would be in a good mood these days… Hay…Hayden distracted him… and now its just all a blurr… I had some major help getting back to camp without any trouble but he….” she took a breath and exhaled in defeat to her own emotions. “I keep hearing a voice in the back of my mind. That when the day the great prophecy is being fulfilled, I’m forced to choose a side. I always knew and had a feeling what side I was going to choose… and now I’m certain… and I don’t care but I’ll say his name again, Deimos and his brother is going down. They are done ruining my already ruined life.” She may have been ranting a little here but she needed to. She then apologized for this and brushed herself off before reaching for her bow and doing the same, just looking at it.

[Ryan Simons]

I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave
Your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

~My Immortal, Evanescence[/size][/font]
NOTES[/right]

Ryan always had too much time to think. Before, he had tried to the best of his ability not let his mind wander and remember. Thinking always made it worse; he relived things and saw them differently, over and over again. When his mind drifted, it usually went to things that happened before; things that had happened when he was younger. Things that scared him and haunted him. Prior to embarking on the quest, he had been pretty successful of repressing thoughts and feelings. Now, not so much. In comparison to before, he was pretty much a fail. Just like he was in everything, as backed up by four people and a god. It was really hard not to think about what had happened. Aria, Avery, Deimos and what happened on the quest were always nagging at his brain. He had been playing the same game in his mind since he was eight. One of the most dangerous diversions in the human mind (besides Catch the Dagger): The should of, could of, would of, if game. Starting with: If I was never alive this wouldn't of happened.

Well, it was true. If he hadn't been alive, he wouldn't of gotten the quest. If he hadn't gotten the quest, the things afterward would of never happened. Avery would be head injury and broken wrist free, playing a prank on a cabin. Aria would still be here, chewing someone out, running away from Camp or fighting in the area. Aria. She wasn't here and she never would be ever again. It seemed like they had come full circle. They had met at the beach (however unpleasant it might of been), they had left from the beach and they had made a grave and had a small burial for her... on the beach. Ryan felt that more than half of him died along with her. All that was left of him was a wrecked kid with a streak of stubbornness still pulsing through his veins. More than half his weapon inventory was gone; now, it was probably residing on the ocean floor. He lost a quarter of himself on the ocean, then the rest on the island. Ryan had left his swords there; beside the small tree that he and Avery had been residing in, thinking that they would come back.

He looked up slightly as she started to talk again. Ryan had seen her in the archery range most of the time. It was mostly the Apollo kids that he had been observing when he tried to teach himself how to shoot with a bow and arrow, not that he'd ever tell them though. She had reacted to Blake okay-ish; better than if another Camper had been there probably. The girl had seemed a bit off but hey, it was a dead body that she was seeing. At least she hadn't gone full out panic screaming and yelling and whatnot. He was sort of feeling sick that day too, after he found the body of course, so she got to see him a little out of sorts that day. "Yeah.... I know," he grumbled, his dull and almost dead grey eyes looking at her. He wasn't the most comforting person ever. Mostly because he had no idea how to do it. Ryan had never been comforted, so he had no idea how to do it in turn. He did know, however, that she was not acting herself. When observing her around camp for three years, she seemed mainly upbeat, kind and dedicated to archery practice. Ha, he did sort of "know" the Campers.

"Oh..." he mumbled softly. "I'm sorry about your mother." He wasn't a total ice cold heart, but didn't let many people know that; it took a really, really, really, really (get the picture) long time and something rather drastic for it to come out, but his semi-nice side was still there. It was just buried deep, deep, deep (get it) way deep down. He just needed a bit of help and coaxing to bring it out. Besides, it was just easier to make people believe that he hated everyone and didn't care anything; it was easier for him too if he wanted to be honest with himself, so in a way. It was easier to go around hating then it was to go around loving. If she was comparing loosing Pratt boy to her mother and she seemed upset about it, then he was guessing that she had liked her mother, had had a good a relationship with her. Ryan on the other hand; well, he wouldn't exactly mind if his "mother" disappeared, to be put nicely. Ryan really didn't care for his "mother", forget about having a good relationship with her. It may of seemed childish to think, but: she started it! Forget about Kath. She had never been his mother. That had been Lila. Lila had been his true mother. He couldn't remember what it felt like when Kath had told him that Lila was dead. Lila had been his mother, well, adopted mother, anyway, until he was three. Once Ryan finally understood death, what had he done? Had he already hardened so far as to not care? Had he felt miserable? Responsible? Lonely? He couldn't remember. Ryan remembered in the dream that he had been sitting infront of the door quite a lot, and had been overjoyed when he had found that picture... his eyes wandered over to his staff. So... at some point, he must have missed her, even if he couldn't remember.

Deimos was probably never in a good mood unless he was torturing someone. He had seen what the god had looked like when the spirits were talking to him and when the monsters were attacking Avery. He had been soaking it all in, he had loved it; Ryan was getting the impression that Deimos loved seeing other people in pain. He had done a rather good job with him and Avery; his eyes drifted down to his left forearm. He looked up and nodded at her words. "True, these aren't exactly happy times," he said guilty. Sophie did have a point. What person wasn't happy these days? Ryan was never happy, period. He had never been happy in his life, minus his years as a toddler and a year and three months with Edmund and Alex. Ryan just nodded. "Yeah, they've messed plenty of people up," he sighed. All demigods had their own past and problems, and Ryan wasn't interested in them. What mattered was what they were going to do with it. If they wanted to be against or for Deimos or Camp, that was their decision. As for him, his side, was his own side. Ryan wasn't with Camp... he had never been and probably never would be. "Nah, its fine," he said, shaking his head and waving it away as she apologized.

OOC: -_- *needs to get better with RPing depressed Ryan*
Sorry about that wait... and the length o.o
Character Name: Ryan Simons-Son of Ares No One
Mood: Upset, Guilty
To: Sophia "Sophie" Greene-Daughter of Apollo
IC Word Count: 1,177

Legend:
"Ryan Speaking"
Ryan Thinking

[/size][/font]

[Sophia Greene]

All these thoughts of failure and hurting was just bring her down. Not something this demi-god was used to. Sophie wondered what was suppose to happen in the future. If anymore good or bad was to happen. Her nightmares did not help. Especially the new one. The one where seven demi-gods set off on a quest, which surprised her because she was one of them. How was that possible, if she had never ever been on a quest of her own? Then again what adventure was not lurking in her life? She closed her eyes and saw Aria, at this thought.

The two never had been close before but it felt a small bit of her was missing. Aria was family, whether they admitted it or not. It was whenever Sophie had became cabin-counselor for their cabin, in the three years she been there, Aria just held a grudge against her, and why Soph had no idea. All who was left of the cabin was Adonia, who was on a quest of her own, Harper and her. What ever happened to Jason, and the others she had no idea. Most of the time she felt as if time was standing still. That nothing seemed to matter anymore. She prayed to her father, Apollo, every meal time and before bed that some sign would come to say that the world will be alright. And every time she would never get an answer. Maybe that was why she regretted her father. With this thought, she wondered what would have happened if she was born normal? Would she be the way she was today, struggling this much? Or would it be worse? Either way she would never know.

In away, Sophie was glad that she had gotten no quest of her own. Even if she did, would she be strong enough to take care of herself plus two more? No. Probably not. She couldn’t even handle a God situation and looked what happened. She ended up hurt and the one she cared about way to much was now missing, by now most likely dead. She felt the arrow in her head snap, and opened her eyes seeing the broken arrow in her hands. The point of it had broken and cut her hand but she did not really feel it. She felt numb, not a feeling she felt before, as blood begin to drip like the rain off a gutter. The world around her, or at least she felt it, was falling around her. First with her mother, her sister, her now ex-boyfriend and now her life. The world was changing and she hated that cold feeling on the back of her neck as the goose bumps rose as if a ghost was near by. The Ghost of her past.

When it came to discus her mother, she wished she hadn’t brought her up. Now of all times Sophie wished she could see her mother one last time. To help her with the problems that no one could help her out with such as heart breaks and such like this. As camp was seeming feeling smaller and smaller each week or even day. Nothing made since anymore and every week, every day, every hour, every (well you get it) made her feel more and more alone then ever.
She felt cold, whether it was her hours upon hours of being out here alone laying on the cold forest ground, or the feeling she felt inside, the daughter of Apollo could not even tell. She took a deep breath wanting to feel good and happy again. How she was not sure. The sun was half and half of set and up into the sky. She could feel it on her skin, but it did not so much as warm her this time. It did however help her cut hand, but not so much as what her sister Harper could do.

She held her hand close to her hand, and thought of somewhere to stop the blood, but she seemed enchanted by it as each drop counted as a piece of her soul. As each dropped spilled, more questions then answers came to her. What was to happen in over all history? The sun shone on her, she closed her eyes and sighed getting up as it slowly began to go down. She of all people knew it was not safe to be in the forest after dark, even if she had her ‘magical bow and arrows’ from her father. Standing up, she could feel her muscles ache from sitting in the same place for to long. Not wanting to go back to the cabin or camp itself even, and looked at him. “I know you don’t or never liked me very much, but thanks… it helps just to have someone to talk to and listen… Um if you don’t want to go back to camp, want to just take a walk? As friends of course?”